Narcissists and triangulation

Triangulation is a method that narcissists use behind the scenes as a strategy to control people. You will find that this much-loved tactic is used to increase self-esteem, while also devaluing people who are potential competitors or threats to their ego. Triangulation can be played on both large and small stages. You can find it in every realm of life from politics to people you encounter every day. These tactics often take place behind the scenes and in the shadows of social circles, workplaces and within the world of politics.

In the context of narcissistic behavior, triangulation can be a way for the narcissist to maintain power and control over others by creating tension and competition among them. This can involve speaking negatively about one person or group to another. It can also encompass spreading rumors or actively undermining relationships to maintain a position of dominance. This is serious psychological warfare.

Narcissists, as we know, have an insatiable need for admiration, validation, and control. They thrive on attention and will go to great lengths to maintain their inflated sense of self-worth. Triangulation becomes their weapon of choice – a cunning strategy to assert dominance, fuel their ego, and keep their victims off balance.

Divide and conquer

Narcissists put a lot of energy into establishing themselves as the most desired person in any social setting, both professionally and personally. They will try to cement their role at the top of the social food chain by any means possible. A frequently employed tactic for attaining this position involves fostering conflict among individuals, often through subtle or overt methods. This is to ensure that they hold the powerful position at the top of the triangle and can manipulate the pieces (people) on their game board. When each person or group of people consult(s) or looks to the narcissist directly and not to each other, the communication between others has been effectively broken down.

In the narcissists mind, this not only empowers them but also safeguards any lies or smear campaigns that they have implemented against all participants. Keeping others separated is the best way to control the ongoing narrative, that they alone want to dominate.

Don't you want me?

Triangulation is also used to create confusion and jealousy. The person implementing it will undermine their targets self-esteem by suggesting that another party is more talented, intelligent, or successful. Alternatively, they will suggest that another person supports their point of view in an argument, even though this person is not present. The individual in question may or may not be in touch with the narcissist and may or may not have discussed the issue with them. This scenario may be directly out of the imagination of the narcissist to establish a sense of insecurity in their target as well as credibility for their point of view. This can border on delusion, and reality does not necessarily factor into the equation; it’s all about keeping people off balance.

Unfortunately, this strategy can prove effective due to the habitual erosion of connections between individuals. Those around the narcissist are too uncomfortable to discuss these issues with each other as trust between groups or people outside of the narcissist has been effectively broken down. Shutting down communication between people keeps the narcissist safe from anyone discovering their disordered, power-hungry tendencies.

Small scale triangulation

It's crucial to bear in mind that on a smaller scale, a clear indicator that you might be involved in a corner of the triangle arises when the narcissist informs you of negative remarks made about you by someone else, quickly followed by a request not to confront the individual directly, citing that the information was shared with the narcissist in confidence. Chances are high that this ‘secret’ conversation never happened, or if it did, there may be a tiny grain of truth that has been blown way out of proportion.

Relationships

But how exactly does triangulation manifest in other real-life scenarios? Well, it can take many forms, from subtle manipulation tactics to outright gaslighting and emotional abuse. For example, imagine you're in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic partner. They may employ triangulation by unfavorably comparing you to an ex-partner or anyone else, planting seeds of doubt and insecurity in your mind. Now, they have established themselves as the coveted ‘prize’.

Workplace

Similarly, in a workplace setting, a narcissistic colleague might cozy up to those in power or other colleagues to undermine your efforts and create doubts about your character to gain favor and advance their own agenda. It's a twisted game of manipulation where the narcissist seeks to divide and conquer, leaving a trail of chaos and confusion in their wake.

Politics /  Organizations

In a larger context, the narcissist may target a group of people and create the idea that they are not to be trusted and are contributing to the breakdown of rules, law and order. This is used to deflect attention away from the narcissist who may be the person actively undermining the necessary structures that contribute to stability. It’s a classic 'look at them, don’t look at me'.

Politicians

Politicians may use triangulation to pit different groups against each other, creating divisions within society for their benefit. They might play on existing social, economic, or cultural divides to maintain power by keeping factions at odds with each other.

Media
Alternatively, they may use the media to spread misinformation or manipulate public perception, effectively creating a triangle between themselves, the media, and the public. By controlling the narrative, they can influence public opinion and undermine opposition. The proliferation of misinformation has also been facilitated by the widespread acceptance of social media platforms as credible sources of news. A growing segment of users now considers social media as their primary source of information. Consequently, they frequently bypass reputable news outlets in favor of viral content, which, regrettably, is often misleading or entirely fabricated.

Scapegoating
Similar to personal relationships, politicians may engage in scapegoating by blaming others for problems or failures. This could involve blaming political opponents, minority groups, or foreign entities, thereby creating a triangular dynamic where the politician positions themselves as the hero or savior.

Alliance building
Alliance building is another strategy that often works in the political arena. Politicians may engage in triangulation by forming alliances with certain groups or individuals to gain leverage over others. By aligning themselves strategically, they can maintain power while simultaneously undermining potential threats.

How do narcissists get away with triangulation?

It is difficult to imagine that anyone can get away with this behavior. However, most people cannot wrap their heads around the idea that anyone could be so dark and devious. Sadly, if people are unaware of what is happening, it is possible that triangulation can work. However, over time, their methods and patterns tend to become apparent to critical thinkers who are observant, and objective.

Knowledge is our greatest ally in the battle against the triangulation ploy. It is essential to look beyond what a person (personal, professional and political) is saying and observe what they are actively doing. Is what they say in direct conflict with what they actually do? 

It is also important to consider that someone who has dark tendencies can take on a 'nice' persona if they are having a good day, and remain unchallenged. But the reverse is not true, meaning anyone with good intentions would find it inconceivable to act in a dark, disordered manner for any reason. Ultimately faking a nice demeanor is easier than a healthy minded person taking on triangulation tactics.

Believe what you see the first time. It really is that simple. By understanding the strategy employed by narcissists and recognizing the red flags early on, we can arm ourselves with the tools needed to protect our emotional well-being, not get sucked into a false narrative and set healthy boundaries.

This article is based on opinion and articles related to narcissism and triangulation

Sources: PsychCentral, Healthline

It's important to note that not all individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits have narcissistic personality disorder, and a diagnosis should be made by a qualified mental health professional based on a thorough evaluation of symptoms and behavior.